


Ground Me

by AeonTheDimensionalGirl



Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [20]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (or at least an attempt at it), Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Merlin (Merlin), Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canon Era, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Deviates From Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonTheDimensionalGirl/pseuds/AeonTheDimensionalGirl
Summary: Despite being surrounded by people in Camelot, and having a good knowledge of his bearings, Merlin still felt astray.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: I’ve Got You (You’re Safe Now) [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939345
Comments: 18
Kudos: 423





	Ground Me

**Author's Note:**

> **PROMPT No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE**  
>  **Lost** | Field Medicine | Medieval

Camelot was overwhelming.

Merlin was not a fool, he knew he was going to have some difficulty adapting to his new home in the citadel after having lived in the countryside for eight and ten years; different rules in a different kingdom and all-

And yet, even with that knowledge, no one said how hard it was going to be.

True to Merlin’s suspicions, adapting was indeed difficult, but for whole new reasons.

Like- You have magic?

Oh no, you’ll not get reported to the King to become a slave, you’ll be reported to the King to be executed. Do you prefer rope, axe or pyre?

HA!

YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE!

So Merlin is forced to hide further.

Or- You are to be the Prince’s manservant!

Oh no, you’ve never been a servant?

Figure it out.

And Merlin forces himself to learn.

And also- You’re the physician’s apprentice, a servant for a prat of a Prince _and_ a sorcerer?

Here, have a destiny you never asked for, riddles for answers, unhelp advice and endless chores.

As a bonus, everyone will think you lazy and an idiot!

By the end of his first year in Camelot, Merlin feels like he’s been pulled in so many directions and scattered around the while kingdom that he can’t help but feel completely lost, and with the passage of time things do not get any better or easier; because one day it will be just chores for Arthur, chores for Gaius, save Arthur and Camelot while another day it will be save Arthur and Camelot, lose someone important to him, get sent to the stocks, chores for Arthur and another time is was magical creatures being cryptic, talks about destiny, getting called stupid, chores-

Even if he’d formed a tentative friendship with Arthur (and catching feelings for him while at it), finding a calm soul in Gwen and confiding to Gaius- Merlin still felt astray.

Because he couldn’t tell the full truth to Arthur, terrified of the implications that would come with revealing all his secrets; Gwen would give him a look that he recognized as ‘He’s strange’ and it made the warlock hesitate with sharing his problems, afraid of her not understanding what he was going through; and when the raven would tell Gaius his problems, his mentor would simply pat his shoulder and tell him to be patient and that things would soon be better and make sense.

And Merlin would get the urge to scream, because no, this wasn’t about patience for fucks sake, this was about feeling like he couldn’t go anywhere without feeling thrown off course-

It only made Merlin feel alone.

As more time passes, the feeling gets worse.

Arthur and Gwen court each other, then break it off; Morgana turns against them; Uther goes madder; commoners are Knighted; Arthur is swarmed by responsibilities as it seems that kingship becomes a near possibility, which in turns makes people set on revenge to try and kill the blond more, which in turns makes Merlin more tired and snappy and makes people asking what was his problem and the raven feels like he can’t speak because telling them with make them hate him-

He feels like he’s drowning in the darkness, not finding his way, stumbling in the dark, not being able to cry for help-

Merlin wonders why he doesn’t just leave-

“Merlin?”

And then he will see Arthur.

Hear Arthur.

Feel Arthur’s presence-

“Are you alright?” a warm hand is placed on his shoulder as the question is given, grounding him.

“I-” Merlin hesitates, “I don’t know- I don’t think- No, I’m not” he admits in a small voice, averting his King’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur softly asks him, guiding the warlock to sit in a chair in front of the fireplace. Merlin just avoids looking at the blond.

“Do you ever feel like-” he bit his lip, “Like no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to find your way?” he swallowed as he felt his eyes sting, “That- that despite being surrounded by people and knowing where you’re standing- you just- you just can’t help but feel lost?”

Arthur was silent for a moment, looking as he’d been struck.

“Merlin-” the blond whispered, “How long have you felt like this?”

The raven couldn’t help but snort.

“Do you want the short answer or the long one?” he wryly asked, feeling a little warm at he sees Arthur’s lips quirk briefly as he said, “ _Mer_ lin”

Merlin sighed.

“My whole life, really-” the warlock shifted in his seat, forcing his eyes to look over the blond’s shoulder, “But I think coming to Camelot made it worse” he revealed with a quiet mumble.

When he got no answer from the Prince Regent, Merlin hesitantly looked at him, finding Arthur’s lips pursed while his sapphire eyes look sorrowful.

Guilty churned the raven’s stomach. He didn’t want Arthur to feel bad-

“I’m sorry” he said, getting up and turning to leave, “This was a mistake-”

“What- Merlin, no!” Arthur exclaimed from behind at the same time the warlock felt callused fingers encasing his wrist, gently turning him to face the blond, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like-” he sighed as he led Merlin back onto the chair, “You took me by surprise, that’s all”

Merlin let out a shaky breath as Arthur began to draw soothing circles with his thump onto the back of his hand, looking lost in thought.

“Arthur?” he whispered to prompt him. The Prince Regent blinked.

“Sorry” he said, “Just- thinking”

“Oh, well now I’m getting worried” Merlin replied, trying to bring some humor into the strange atmosphere they’ve gotten themselves into, smiling a bit wider when Arthur snorted.

“Yeah, yeah, the prat has a thick head” he muttered Merlin’s familiar insult before clutching the raven’s hands and locking their eyes.

“Merlin-” Arthur gulped, “When you feel like this-” he said, “I want you to come to me”

“But I feel like this _all_ the time” Merlin whispered, feeling his heart on his throat, “And how in the seven hells can you help?”

“Well, you’re always making me talk about what’s bothering me” Arthur began to say, “I think it’s time I do the same” he rose slightly, until their foreheads were nearly touching. The raven prayed that his hitched breath wasn’t too audible, “Just- tell me what’s making you feel lost, and I’ll try to ground you”

Merlin looked away, biting his lips and trying to blink back the sting in his eyes.

“Arthur-” he chocked, “Arthur- I don’t think you can”

“Try me”

“What if telling you involved spilling secrets that will make you question everything?” Merlin said, his breathing hitched, “What if you don’t want to be near me if I tell you?”

Arthur stared at him silently for a moment, expression oddly blank.

“And what if-” he said in a soft voice, “What if I suspected what this is about? What if I just don’t care about your secrets, and just want to see you smiling?”

Merlin gasped.

Did Arthur-?

Wary, he examined Arthur’s expression, but he found no ill intention in his sapphire eyes, just determination; nor in his face, soft and fierce at the same time.

Arthur knew.

The tears fell without warning, and Merlin threw himself at Arthur, feeling himself be caught in a strong embrace as he spilled out his secrets, his shame, his feelings of being astray; the blond shushing him gently and whispering in turn _‘I knows’_ and _‘Thank yous’_ and _‘You’re safe’_ and _‘It’s alright now’_

In Arthur’s arms, Merlin doesn’t feel lost anymore.


End file.
